you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
