Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
