i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
