Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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