I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
