I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
