Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
