jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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