Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
