Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
