Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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