It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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