OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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