So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
