theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
