I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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