We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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