i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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