if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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