you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
