nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
