he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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