I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
