Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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