They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
