dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
