All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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