"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
