Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
