Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
50% drunk capacity currently
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
