dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
