9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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