if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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