Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
