I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
