apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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