I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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