There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
