What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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