My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
