oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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