i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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