Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
