I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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