Got a toothbrush?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
