Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
