please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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