I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
