so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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