I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
two words...techno handjob
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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