the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
