No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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