so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
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If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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