I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
