he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
