We're facebook friends in real life
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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