SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
