If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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