It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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