those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
