so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
