Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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