i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
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at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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