Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
