doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
