I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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