Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
