You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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