I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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