I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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