Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
