I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
