Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
